Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
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