Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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