dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
