Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
