I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
