Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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