remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
