Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
