Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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