I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
