Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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