just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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