You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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