I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My hand turned me down
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
