The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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