I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
