We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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