I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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