i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
