It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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