I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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