a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize