Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
