I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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