K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
