If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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