From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
