how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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