She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
