not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
