He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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