We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
