I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Let's paint friendship bongs
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
