Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
