nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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