The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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