i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
