so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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