Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
