My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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