My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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