I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize