When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I intend to get homeless drunk
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
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my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
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FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event