I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
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When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
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Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!