do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.