he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
