It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize