I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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