Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
