WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She is in my trunk
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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