Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
