I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
