This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
