At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
