I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
