I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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