There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
