covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
