What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
