Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
