Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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