I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
