im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This couple is walking their pig around campus
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
