I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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