Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
