He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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