Just fell off a train. Bad.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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