FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
