So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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