This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
