I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
