I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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