this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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